I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Mom said you looked used
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
