Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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