Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
