the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
