I have demons in me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
