The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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