Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
is it fun? or sober?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
