its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
