i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
