DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
