our cab driver is having phone sex.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
