whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
