We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
