She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
