i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize