forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
