Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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