Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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