I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
