how do flat chested girls get laid?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
