Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
