while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize