Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
