so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
