That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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