I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm going to jail i love you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize