i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
