Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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