how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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