She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
