Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
