After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
