why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
