I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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