Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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