Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
