saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
