i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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