Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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