lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
