I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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