nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
