What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
