Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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