saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
