I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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