glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
