i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
