I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
