I just saw a hot homeless man
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
