That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
