so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
