Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
