Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
