Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
