Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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