So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
