You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
