It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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