Where did you get a picture of my penis
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
