Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
