I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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