I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
