On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
