so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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