Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
