so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
